


in this house

by erzi



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 21:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erzi/pseuds/erzi
Summary: It's my birthday,a distant part of him realizes. It's been his birthday, but he's been focusing on staying awake that the date has not mattered. The corner of his lip turns down, and he rests his chin on his knees. The date wouldn't have mattered either if the monsters weren't there. Birthdays are celebrations with family and friends.He has neither.





	in this house

The monsters are there when Natsume closes his eyes.

They take shape within that darkness. The borders of gray fuzzy things become sharp, defined; growing thin limbs, too long for their bodies; and in what should be the dark, safe space behind his lids, pairs of eyes burning like embers glow in the monsters' faces. They stretch their treelike arms out to him, beckoning him from mouthless faces in voices like creaking wooden stairs: won't he simply let himself sleep? It's _so_ easy to simply sleep.

He doesn't. He has heard these sweet suggestions before. The monsters cannot be trusted. His eyelids are as heavy as lead. When he notices he's about to let himself close them, Natsume pinches his arm. Pink marks trail the skin on it from hours spent fighting sleep.

"I won't let you win," he whispers into the night. "I won't."

It would be an easier fight if he had something to occupy himself with, but he dares not disturb the sleeping household. He'd recently been taken in by this family, if hesitantly. He couldn't pretend this was already home by staying up late reading under a lamplight, or by asking to borrow the son's handheld gaming device. Even if he could pretend he belonged here, what excuse could he give for his behavior? No one believed the truth; it would seem like he was just a restless child who could be remedied by the very thing he was avoiding.

The fight is his and his alone.

Though with each passing hour, he begins to lose his resolve.

He has school tomorrow. He can't go with bags under his eyes and an unrested mind. Enough rumors about others he's stayed with have arisen from the monsters' doing, their actions and consequences unseen by all but Natsume. Then the families turn on him and send him elsewhere like the extra baggage he is. What rumor would be born if the neighbors and teachers saw he wasn't getting sleep?

Natsume draws his legs closer to him, heels causing a dip in the sofa he calls a bed. _Please, go away_ , he thinks, reasoning that if these monsters are in his head, they can read his thoughts as well. _I don't want any trouble._

 _Sleep_ , reply the ancient voices.

Whimpering, Natsume looks at the clock. And he blinks, thinking maybe his mind, seeking sleep, is tricking him. The time and date remain the same: it is 3:44 a.m. of the first of July.

 _It's my birthday_ , a distant part of him realizes. It's been his birthday, but he's been focusing on staying awake that the date has not mattered. The corner of his lip turns down, and he rests his chin on his knees. The date wouldn't have mattered either if the monsters weren't there. Birthdays are celebrations with family and friends.

He has neither.

"Happy birthday to me," Natsume sings, quiet as a mouse, to himself, "happy birthday to me." Tears fat and wet blur his vision. They trickle down his cheeks; he hastily wipes them. His song ends there, his chest too tight to continue. A weight heavier than that dragging down his eyes presses on him.

 _I can't breathe_ , he thinks, trying to take in a lungful of air. His small fingers go to his throat, panicked. _I can't breathe!_

 _SLEEP!_ cry the monsters.

Instead, he wakes up with a jolt, yelling, throwing an angrily meowing weight off him. He reaches for his throat again, his fingers slender. _I can breathe_ , he thinks, gulping in breaths.

"Natsume, you jerk!" protests Nyanko-sensei, waddling next to Natsume and swiping his arm. "You threw me off!"

Natsume stares. " _You_ were the reason I couldn't breathe?"

"What! How dare you! I was just curled on your stomach!" He keeps swatting Natsume, but his claws aren't out, and his paws are squishy and pudgy.

It makes Natsume laugh, although part of it is from relief. It had just been a dream. Well, a nightmare. Gentle sunlight streaming through the window melts its remnants, fully returning him to his present life in the quiet countryside. In this house, there are no monsters.

Nyanko-sensei tucks his feet in, looking like a loaf of bread. He closes an eye. "Did you have a dream about your sad, lonely childhood again?"

Natsume gives him a thin little smile, patting his head. "They're kind of common, huh?" He lays back down. "I hope this next one is normal."

"'Next one'? What are you doing?" Nyanko-sensei asks. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Ready for what?"

Nyanko-sensei sits up, indignantly waving his front paws. "Your birthday! _Birthday!_ I've been waiting for cake!"

Natsume's eyes widen. "That's _actually_ today?"

"You told me yourself last week!" Nyanko-sensei scoffs. "Humans are so stupid. You live for such a short time, celebrating it anyway, and then forget when to do it. Hurry up and get dressed. I want to taste whatever special food Touko made today before your friends and the Dog's Circle come and ruin my day!"

He glances at the clock. It's a little past nine in the morning of July 1.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!" Natsume says, throwing off the covers and rummaging his wardrobe for a change of clothes.

"That's not my job."

Nyanko-sensei's lazy, unreliable guardianship tends to annoy Natsume. But today, he feels... light. He ignores the comment and heads for the bath. He may be beginning his birthday a bit late, but he will share it with those who should be there for birthdays. They'll welcome him just the same.

After he's clean and dressed, he heads down to the kitchen, where the delicious smells that had made their way to the second floor fully envelop him. A veritable buffet is neatly laid on the table, where Shigeru-san is already sitting, newspaper covering his face. It is Touko-san, whisking something in a bowl, who spots Natsume.

"There he is!" she chirps, putting down the bowl and walking up to him, smile as bright as the sun outside. She takes his hands in hers. They're just as warm as her expression. "Happy birthday, Takashi-kun!"

Shigeru-san sets aside his newspaper, looking at Natsume. He smiles as well. "I didn't hear you come in. Happy birthday, Takashi."

"Thank you," Natsume says, his face tingling from how wide he's smiling. "I hope my friends coming over later won't be a huge bother."

Touko-san shepherds him to his seat. "Of course not! The more the merrier. Besides, the three of us could never eat all of this food!"

A raspy meow from under the table.

"Sensei says he could," Natsume says, and the three of them laugh. The combined sounds of his own soft laugh, Shigeru-san's deep rumble, and Touko-san's airy giggle are something Natsume treasures.

It has taken time, but he has found peace. Even the beautiful summer day that shines beyond the windows doesn't fill him with the peace that this spacious, cozy house and its kindhearted people provide. This is home, truly, at last.

"I'm still working on the cake," Touko-san says, walking back to her bowl, "but by the time your friends are here, it will be ready!"

"It's okay. It'll be delicious," Natsume says, not out of formality, but because he knows it.

"In the meantime, please, eat breakfast to your heart's content! I made all sorts of food because I wasn't sure what you would want."

He smiles. "I'll have a bit of everything."

The morning goes on like all the others have at the Fujiwara household, with the clinking of cutlery, Nyanko-sensei's enthusiastic eating, and thoughtful conversation. When his friends come over – both human and youkai – the house will be louder, fuller, and Natsume cannot wait.

**Author's Note:**

> happy bday to my little boy mwah


End file.
